Feelings

For so many years, what I felt became my truth. I don't know if that makes sense or not, but if I felt alone then that became the truth I believed. Believing I was alone impacted how I acted or behaved. Since my husband's job required that he do a lot of traveling (309 days the first year of our marriage) and because I have lived hundreds of miles from my family for most of my marriage, I have felt alone - A LOT. Feeling alone has caused me to cry and feel sorry for myself. Because I didn't like being alone (and it's always about me), I would feel frustrated, anxious and eventually angry at my husband for leaving me alone so much. Feelings of anger would cause me to try to manipulate him, other people or situations. I would take up hobbies, bad habits and the pursue the things of the world just so I didn't have to feel so lonely and worthless. Yes, worthless. You see, being left alone a lot must have meant I was worthless, unlovable, and so on. I also felt forgotten and abandoned by God. Yep, what I felt became my truth.

While my husband is flying in today (hallelujah), he'll be leaving after Thanksgiving and I won't see him again until Christmas. I miss him! And, having him gone just brings up all those old feelings. Here I am all alone again. There he goes starting a new adventure again - without me (we've moved 6 times and he's always gone ahead). Today, I'm also struggling with some new feelings. But you know what? I can actually take up the WORD of God - which is absolute TRUTH and use it to sort through my feelings. It's awesome and I am so grateful to God for this change in me.

The TRUTH is certainly not what I feel. In fact, rarely does what I feel even line up with the word of God. Amen? The Word of God is absolute truth. What God says is MY reality even if it flies in the face of what I feel and can see.

Right here, right now - I am exactly where God wants me and my husband to be. The economy doesn't surprise God. Our being separated doesn't surprise God. God knows exactly when (or if) our house will sell. God even knows when we'll move and where we will live next. Isn't that amazing? Isn't God awesome? He is in control and to that, I shout glory be to God and hallelujah! The truth is: This is the day which the Lord has made; Let us rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24