Entry #5 - Sincere & fervent love
Processing 1 Peter 1:20-25
Entry #4 was a more than a year's worth of processing with the Lord the impact of hurt and disappointment. This all due to a trial I did not see coming and that was totally distressing. While it took the better part of a year, I'm so grateful to the Lord for the understanding He has given to me. And, I think there's more to come! Understanding the spiritual impact trials have had on me and can have on me is huge. To look back and see the progression I described in Entry #4, is a gift from the Lord. Praise Him.
As I processed the distress with the Lord, I believe He revealed to me how I had transferred the hurt and disappointment to Him. However, I was aware that God was sincerely and fervently loving me through the healing and sorting it all out process.
Some would say - of course! God never leaves or forsakes us. Hashtag truth could be used here. But here's the thing: In the fog of hurt, disappointment, discouragement, despair of spiritual depression, these truths were just not as clear to me as they once were. Yes, I know the truth. But the emotions were so painful it was hard to name and claim truth. Oh, but the fervent love of the Lord...
Fervently means earnestly, intensely. To stretch out the hand...thus it means to be streched out, earnest, resolute, tense. Continual or intense. Intently, earnestly.
I know God fervently loves me every day. But in my distress, I think God allowed me to be more aware of His presence...more aware of His stretching out His hand to me. His continual and intense love for me. He was resolute. I withdrew from Him, blamed Him, ignored Him, wrestled with Him, let my emotions go wild, believed lies...and couldn't seem to pin the right truth in the right spot in my heart or mind. But, His hand was always stretched out to me, patiently waiting for me to grab hold of Him.
During this time, He was wooing me with His creation. As I would sit having no desire to do anything else, I would often just watch the birds. As I did, the Spirit of God within me would call to remembrance His word which I had hidden in my heart. God used the birds to remind me of His love for me and my worth to Him. As the storms would roll in or the sun would rise, the Spirit of God would bring to remembrance His word which spoke of His power and might and sovereignty in all things. Once, He even took clouds and turned them into a heart as I sat there looking at the beautiful sky. Over and over He reminded that He is working all things together for my good and His glory. But, I was still hurting. In some ways in mourning loss (another post for another time).
Oh, how I wish I had journaled each day during this time because God taught me so much about what it means and looks like to fervently love from the heart. I am better equipped to fervently love from the heart as a result of that particular trial. I think. I hope. We'll see!
I know how precious it is to be fervently loved from the heart while being distressed by trials and having your faith tested. To be fervently loved from the heart while fighting for your faith is a tremendous blessing. I have a better understanding today of just how important it is to not give up on others but to keep stretching out my hand, so it's there when they need to or are ready to grab on to it. I know I need to and want to be resolute in my love. To be fervent and earnest and intense. To woo, comfort, strengthen, encourage and help others by reminding them of His enduring word. Just like God was with me.
Easy enough to do with those who love me back or want me to love them and be in their life. But, as I was processing 1 Peter 22 this morning, my mind shifted to those who have caused me hurt, disappointed me, rejected me - whatever. Are you kidding me, Lord? How do I earnestly, fervently and intensely from the heart love those who have hurt me or seemingly don't like me or want to be in my life? Some would answer me saying because God says so and because we are to forgive and so many other truths from God's word. All #truth, but doing from the heart what the word says - that's hard and is a supernatural work of God. it means yielding, and for me that means wrestling. Come on, can someone please give me a #truth?
I've learned that just because I know the truth, it doesn't mean I can actually live out that truth in each and every distressing trial of my life. The Lord has to help me which can sometimes mean wrestling me to the ground.
What I've learned is even those who hurt and disappointed me need to be fervently loved from the heart just as I do. Yes, I know this, but I'm talking about actually doing it. Through all of this, I've been reminded that we all need someone(s) to love us enough not to give up on us. Extend the same love and grace as God has extended to me. Especially those who belong to Christ as I belong to Christ. We are family.
I know. Some people may not want me to fervently love them from my heart. But, truth be told, it should not stop me from stretching out my hand, so it's there should they ever want to grab hold of it. How awesome would it be to fervently love from the heart my brothers and sisters in Christ - no matter how they act. When they don't act right like I don't act right...when they get lost in their own fog and can't quite see the truth just like I've found myself doing...when they pout, wrestle and disobey just like I do...yet earnestly, resolutely and intensely love them.
I want to. Now that I know on a deeper level what being fervently loved looks and feels like and how wonderful it is, I am more eager to extend and offer it...even to those who don't want it...to those who have hurt and disappointed me and may not even like me so much.
Oh, Father as soon as the pain of hurt pierces my heart I am sure I will forget this. But I don't want to. Help me. What a gift and blessing it would be to fervently love others from the heart as you have fervently loved me from Your heart. It would be a miracle. Make it so.